Being that grain of rice

"A single grain of rice can tip the scale." So said the emperor of China at the beginning of the animated classic, "Mulan". I loved that movie the first time I watched it with my daughters, and with each subsequent viewing, it grew on me. I could write pages upon pages of thoughts that stem from its message, however tonight I am contemplating that first profound line. Those words foreshadow the events of Mulan's journey, and how one young woman ultimately leads the army to defeat the Huns.

I need to remember that sentiment tonight. Sometimes I feel deeply, horribly alone. When I made the decision to quit my gym in response to their refusal to do anything about the content of their music videos, I felt alone. Granted, afterward I received an outpouring of support from friends and family, but in that moment, I felt alone. Week after week, I face a similar challenge. I have embarked on a one woman battle against the cover and content of Cosmopolitan magazine. I recognize that we have a "freedom of speech", and that is a blessing as I freely express myself often in writing. We also have the "freedom of the press", which is another bonus as a dream of mine is to someday write a book. However, sometimes evil hides behind the guise of those freedoms.

Yes. In case it isn't apparent, I am calling Cosmopolitan magazine evil. I find it offensive, outrageous, distasteful, and disappointing. Month after month, it's cover tantalizes viewers with titles that all espouse adult themes. It is a pornographic magazine posing as fashion and free relationship advice. Week after week, I go to my area grocery stores, only to have it put in my face and the sight of my children at the check out line. It's at eye level, and more often than not, there is nothing to protect my daughters eyes from reading what is posted on the cover. Visit after visit, I ask to speak to a manager. I state that my preference would be that their particular store would not carry the magazine at all, but specifically point out that I would like for them to be sure to place the "protective cover" in front of the magazine when it has lewd pictures and/or crude messages (which is all the time).

They do have a plastic piece that goes in front of the magazine and will cover some of the article titles. Sometimes it will be out, however in general, the majority of Walmart stores and Kroger stores, "forget" to place those plastic pieces on the magazines.

Why do I care so much? Does it really matter? Aren't I just being a "prude" or "fuddy dud", or am I behind the times? I suppose I am to a certain extent. I know I often wore the label "goody two shoes" when I was in high school. I was known as being "old fashioned" and that was okay with me. In college, that title felt a bit uncomfortable. I grew weary of being "goody-goody". I regret that because there were times that I didn't fully value myself, didn't recognize my own worth, and there are times that same concept (of not fully recognizing my own 'beloved' status in God's eyes) still applies today. However, I will gladly bear the title "old fashioned" today. I don't mind being behind the times because I am truly not "behind" anything that detracts from the value of a person. I do not support language that desensitizes minds and makes it seem okay to be crass, crude, and vulgar. I deplore anything that takes away from all that God intended for us to be.

^{1 Peter 3: 3-4 reads, "} Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God." Things like Cosmopolitan magazine, or images out there on the computer, even in a place as seemingly innocuous as Facebook, are implying that what is on the outside is what makes us beautiful. They are trying to make people, young women in particular, believe that it is the body and what is or is not on the body, that makes you beautiful. That is so wrong. God loves us at such a deeper level than that. God says in Isaiah, that He loved us even before we were born. He loved us before we were fashioned in the womb. God loved us even before time began. So our physical bodies and our "beloved" status from God are not synonymous. We are beloved because we are beloved.

It isn't anything we do or say or wear. We are simply loved.

I could preach this message fervently until my last breath escaped me, but do I live into it? No. I fail just as readily as anyone else. I am guilty of have "devalued" myself often throughout the years. I have often downplayed my intelligence. I lie on my driver's license about my weight. I tolerated abuse in a relationship for many years because I didn't connect the dots and believe/recognize/embrace the message that I have value and worth and meaning in God's eyes. I have "played blonde" time and time again because intelligence can be a source of ridicule. In school, when I encountered people who didn't appreciate me for my brain, and called me "Dexter", (while there were times I held my head high and remained proud of my achievements), I sometimes simply played dumb. Even now, sometimes I make silly comments, not because I love to laugh and be silly (which I do!), but rather because I am still downplaying who I really am.

I remember intentionally failing a test in 7th grade, marking every single answer incorrectly, because I so desperately wanted to fit in, didn't want to stand out. Remarkably, I had an amazing teacher who wouldn't let me do that to myself. He pulled me aside after grading the tests and asked me just what I thought I was doing. (Bless you Mr. Rehberg, wherever you are, for not allowing me to be less than I really was.) That teacher recognized that I was attempting to "dumb down" in order to be like everyone else, and he held me accountable. He threw out that test, and made me take it over, in the way that I was truly capable of doing it.

I regret that I have stumbled over the years. I regret that there are still times at present that I am unable to look in the mirror and tell the woman that I see just how precious she really is in the sight of God. However, I celebrate the fact that there are more and more days when I AM able to fully value who I am, and who God designed me to be. It is in recognition of my own struggle at embracing self worth, that I have entered into battle with the Cosmopolitans of the world. For each and every woman out there, ESPECIALLY the young ones among us, I want to be like my teacher, grasping them figuratively on the shoulder, asking, "What are you doing? Don't try to be like everyone else. Be who God designed you to be. Recognize your beauty and value and worth in His eyes." And maybe, just maybe, even on those days or nights when I feel horribly and helplessly alone, I can be the single grain of rice that tips the scales. May it be so. Amen.