Intro to Theology is like...

Intro to Theology is like riding a bike uphill, in the wrong gear, feeling as if I am pedaling and pedaling and hardly moving.

Intro to Theology is like being at a backyard barbeque talking to a really cute guy, thinking he is about to ask me out, only for him to ask me if I realized I have Doritoes stuck in my front teeth.

Intro to Theology is like driving somewhere, anywhere, for the first time and realizing that I have lost my way... AGAIN.

All of these are true experiences. I have a such a track record for getting lost that my dad had to put a GPS system on my phone for me... not when I was learning how to drive, but seriously last month!

When I was in college (the first time, working on my undergrad degree), I refereed basketball both for community leagues as well as high school girls and boys varsity. I had a game out in Ann Arbor for varsity boys. It was a championship game between rival teams and it was quite intense. I decided that I needed to go home and bake chocolate chip cookies to counteract all the stress from the game. As I was driving, I was thinking more about which Meijer I should stop at for the chips and less about which exit I should take, and I "woke up" to find myself in Brighton, 20 minutes out of my way!

Intro to Theology at this moment is reminding me of being in Brighton, minus my comfort food, chocolate chips.

If you've ever seen the movie "The Absent Minded Professor", or "Flubber", (different films and actors, same concept), that describes the way my brain sometimes operates. Sometimes I will get so caught up in a thought, an idea for a program, a brainstorm for a sermon; it's as if I'm lost to some of the things around me, like shifting my gears, or flossing my teeth, or turning down the street. It can be annoying, (especially when I burn the four dozen cookies I was trying to bake for my daughters' school party), however it's fairly normal. So, I don't usually get to upset about that kind of "flub". I know I can be absent minded.

However, today I've been struggling with this Intro to Theology reading, and it's worse than my normal absent mindedness. It's the realization that I'm not absent minded, but rather "thick" minded. I'm having trouble getting these concepts. I've been stuck on how Theology seems more about "Knowing about God" and less about "Knowing God". I have been wondering and worrying that if I can't catch on and learn to study "knowing about God", maybe I won't be able to help folks to "know God".

I went out for an hour bike ride to mull this over, because when I exercise, my mind can wander more in the "absent minded" direction, and that's when I get some of my best insights. As I pedaled, I realized that I am feeling insecure about this class that seems like it's for intellectuals, and even though I have always received good grades, I don't know that I consider myself an intellectual. And I'm worrying that although my professor is highly entertaining and passionate about this subject, that he will see the panic on my face when he asks us a question and I can't rattle off an immediate answer. And although my classmates all seem friendly and welcoming, what if one of them suddenly whispers, "Well she's not the brightest crayon in the box!"

About halfway through the park, while I'm feeling panicky and wondering if I should call my therapist and ask her to up my meds because I think my anxiety issues are marching off to a higher level, it strikes me. I have learned two things already from this class. One was about the creation of the Apostles Creed. Someone in the Disciple Class last year was really struggling with where the creed came from and why. Last year, I didn't have a clue let alone an answer. After my reading last week, I did! I know when it was written, what it was a response to (issues from that time), and I can and did actually explain to my friend.

The other thing I've learned from Intro to Theology was a quote from my professor, that "There is no faith without doubt." I was able to share that this week with my Bible Study class, filled with folks who are grieving over a recent death of a much loved member of our congregation. A young woman with three children, who died much too painfully, far too soon. Folks are wrestling with pain and doubt, and how that effects faith. This week, I actually felt better equipped to respond to their struggle.

Perhaps Intro to Theology is like struggling to get to the top of the hill with my bike, while recognizing that I can actually get there. I may move slow, I may even have to hop off and walk the bike. However, I can still reach the top. Even the night I got lost on the way home from the b-ball game, I eventually found my way to a Meijers, bought those chips, and enjoyed warm freshly baked cookies by bedtime!

And maybe I end up with food caught in my teeth, or chocolate on my chin, but I guess you could say that's because I really enjoy eating! What better thing to "eat" than the Word of God. We are told to "taste and eat" and see that it is good. So I will keep tasting from these different theology books, and hopefully hit on a recipe that fits for me by the end of the course.

Bon Apetit!